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3362 Big Pine Trail, Suite A, Champaign, Illinois 61822

 

When a good friend's unhappy, you want to offer them a shoulder to cry on and listen to their troubles. Later, though, you may imagine it's time for them to stop grieving over what ails them and cheer up. You do your best to be upbeat and think you help them. Your good intentions, however, won't make your friend better. Being overly positive may make them feel misunderstood and lonely. It's more constructive to validate their feelings rather than gloss over difficult emotions. These tips show you how.

Uncover emotions

Everyone heals from painful experiences in their own time. Your friend will grieve for as long as is necessary, no matter whether you think they should move on. If you suspect they are stuck in a rut, repeatedly reliving difficulties, you may be right. However, trying to steer them off troubling topics and encouraging them to be positive isn't helpful.

If your pal takes a long time to recover from a painful event, show support. Recognize the emotions you can pick out from the stories they tell. People often seem stuck like the needle of a record, replaying old problems because they don't know how to voice their feelings and find validation.

Telltale signs of quashed feelings include recounts of troubles involving resentment and anger. Resentment builds when people don't feel heard or understood. Often, emotional angst is released when someone who cares recognizes the pain hidden in the retelling of problems and gives it a voice.

Releasing pain

If you think you have uncovered emotions hidden in your friend's tales, ask if you are right. When you correctly voice their pain, repressed feelings will flow as though a floodgate's opened. Once the pain finds an outlet, there will no longer be a need to mull over hurtful memories.

You offer validation to your friend when you accept what they say. Seek emotional content rather than facts from their tales. Resentment often covers the pain beneath angry words and repetitive stories that need an outlet.

Ask if you are right about the information you uncover too. It gives your friend the chance to clarify their feelings and know they are heard. Your loving support will help them heal from old wounds and clamber out of their rut.

 

Depression is an all too common problem that affects millions of people across the US. Common treatments involve therapy and a variety of medications. However, there are some things you can do on your own to help manage this often-debilitating condition. Here are the top four things you can do at home to help yourself cope with depression:

Exercise

Exercising regularly is essential in managing anxiety, stress, and depression. Depression often manifests itself physically via reduced energy, reduced appetite, body aches, disturbed sleep, and increased pain perception. However, when you exercise, the body increases the production of dopamine (a feel-good hormone) that makes exercise very effective in managing feelings of depression.

Seek Help from People You are Close To

If you feel depressed, consider seeking help from close friends, colleagues, and family members. Usually when someone is depressed they seek isolation. It is better to seek help, because managing the condition is easier with help. While feelings of shame, exhaustion, and guilt can make it difficult to reach out, making the effort to take part in social activities and stay connected with other people will improve your mood. Remind yourself that you should not feel guilty or ashamed, because your friends and family love you regardless of what you are suffering from right now.

Manage Your Stress

Did you know that stress can worsen your depression? Stress is common, because we all have life problems every now and then. Unfortunately, these common everyday stressors can make depression even more unbearable. Try to avoid situations that cause you stress. This may require you to temporarily minimize contact with people and situations that stress you out. You should also reward yourself in some small way every time you do something difficult, so that the pleasure of the reward counteracts the harmful effects of the stress.

Make Yourself Enjoy Yourself

Life should be fun, and you have a right to enjoy yourself. Depression makes it difficult to even try to enjoy yourself, though. However, just because you are not well does not mean that your need to enjoy yourself sometimes is any less. When you are depressed, it is more important than ever to deliberately go out and do fun things, even when you feel like you won't enjoy them. It can be difficult to push yourself during your down times, but doing so can be very rewarding. You might be surprised by the results you will get in the long run. 

The key is to set small goals that are easy to attain. Remember, you might not get immediate results, but patience is the key. In time, you should get positive results from doing things that you used to enjoy. You can choose to play a favorite sport, pursue a hobby, or even express yourself via music, writing, or art. Spending time outdoors, going to the ballpark, visiting a museum, or even just going shopping can all have a positive impact on the way you feel.

A Final Word

Finally, if you are experiencing extreme depression and nothing helps, consider seeking professional help. There is no shame in doing so. We all need help at some time in our lives. An experienced, educated professional can help you do the things your depression won't let you do for yourself.

If you're confined to your home due to an enforced lockdown, such as in the Covid-19 pandemic, don't succumb to feelings of gloom and doom. A positive, upbeat approach is much more helpful in such a situation, both for yourself and for those around you. By staying calm and cheerful yourself, you can inspire your family, friends and neighbours to follow suit and pull together through your shared challenge. You can go further, too, with the help of social media, and support others around the world who may be affected. This noble, empowering role will be ready and waiting for you, so here are some bright ideas to start you off when need arises.

Phone around

Keep your phone charged up and in credit, and phone around all your friends, relatives and other contacts. Check they're all safe and well, and encourage them to open up and share any concerns they have. Getting worries off their chest will help them relax afterwards. You can share your own concerns, too, and benefit from your friends' support likewise. Make a commitment to repeat the phone-around every week, or however often you judge to be mutually beneficial, until the lockdown is over.

Show your face

Go to your window, door or balcony on a regular basis, and let your neighbors see you. Perhaps phone a few of them first to let them know you'll be there, and ask them to spread the word. When you're ready, wave a flag or bang a kitchen pan to attract everyone's attention and encourage them to show themselves, too. It's heartening to see your fellow human beings, even at a distance, when contact is restricted.

 Tap on walls

 Arrange with your next door neighbors to exchange regular taps on the wall, floor or ceiling, depending where they're situated. This will provide reassuring contact and companionship for all concerned. Perhaps agree a code, such as three taps to say all is well and six to say there's a problem. This will enable you to monitor each other's health and well-being, and to offer support, should an issue arise.

 Send messages online

Make use of your social media accounts to reach out to the wider community. With cheerful, positive messages, you can help people everywhere to stay strong, like you. Your efforts will be rewarded with expressions of warmth and gratitude, and your own spirits will be raised by the wonderful camaraderie you've generated.

 Publish entertaining videos

If you like using your camera, take some photos or videos to amuse your online followers. Focus on topics that interest you, such as cooking, nature and pets perhaps. Catch moments of charm, wonder or humor that viewers will enjoy, too, and add witty captions as you go.  You'll find this project fun and absorbing, and your fellow lockdown victims will appreciate them, too. Be sure to admire their offerings as well, and encourage comradely interaction at this difficult time.

 Offer jokes and humor

Get your social media followers chuckling by posting jokes and funny anecdotes. Rack your brains for old jokes and stories from your schooldays, or select some from the Internet. Then maybe add in some comic rhymes, silly songs and crazy cartoons.  Display the most popular posts on your windows or door, for your neighbors to enjoy as well. You may spot some jokes appearing on the buildings around you soon after, as people respond with their own contributions. Simple gestures like these can spark a whirl of community fun, helping everyone stay calm and positive.

Share music, art and poetry

If you have a creative talent, share it with your family and neighbors, and give them a cultural treat. If you can sing or play an instrument, for instance, you can perform a little concert on your doorstep or balcony, and post a recording of it online for your wider circle. If art is your forte, perhaps draw a giant picture and display it in your window, or if you're a comedian, perform some simple gigs or sketches. Encourage your audience to follow suit with their own little party pieces.

There are all sorts of ways to keep up your own spirits and everyone else's, too, during a period of lockdown. Every smile and wave will boost that precious camaraderie, and if you get a down moment yourself, you can take heart from the positivity you've inspired. That's the magic of community morale: everyone helps each other. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When most people hear the phrase borderline personality disorder, they have automatic and immediate assumptions about the person being referenced. Oftentimes, these assumptions are wholly untrue and based on rumors and misconceptions. And these misconceptions can be hurtful and problematic for people that do live with borderline personality disorder.

Borderline personality disorder is a mental health disorder characterized by extreme mood swings, identity issues, feelings of emptiness, and more. However, a clinical description can only tell you so much about the disorder. Here are some things people with borderline personality disorder wish you knew.

Borderline Personality Disorder Does Not Mean You Are Evil

Many people immediately think that a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are evil somehow. They assume they are heartless and self-centered, basically a psychopath. However, this is not the case at all.

The reality is that most people with BPD are highly empathetic and caring. In fact, part of the problem can be that they are too empathetic. If you are empathetic towards others, it is next to impossible to be evil.

Having Borderline Personality Disorder Does Not Make You Manipulative

There is another assumption out there that people with BPD are extremely manipulative and will do anything to get their way. The problem is that this is based on a misunderstanding of the symptoms of BPD.

When a person is having a BPD episode, they may become extremely emotional. This can mean that they get sad and cry or get angry and scream. They might go silent or might become very loud and dominating in conversation.

A person who is in a BPD episode may also threaten self-harm or suicide or take such actions. These people are not doing any of these things to be manipulative. They are suffering. Their emotions are out of their control. Manipulation is not necessarily a part of BPD at all.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder Can Have Good Relationships

Many people shy away from having relationships with someone when they find out they have BPD. There is a horrible misconception that people with BPD cannot have good or healthy relationships, but people with BPD can have strong connections and relationships just like anybody else.

Borderline Personality Disorder Doesn't Make You Dangerous

Emotional volatility and being dangerous are not the same thing. A person with BPD is not dangerous because of their mental health disorder.

You do not have to fear a person just because you find out they have BPD. You probably already know people with the condition that function normally, have never shown any signs of problems or being dangerous. And, they never will.

Borderline Personality Disorder Can Be Treated

Finally, perhaps the most damaging misconception out there about BPD is that it is a condition that cannot be treated. This is not true. The difference between personality disorders and other mental health disorders is that there are no medications designed specifically to treat the condition as a whole. 

Instead, medications for BPD and other personality disorders address symptoms of the disorder like depression or anxiety. The main treatment for these conditions is therapy, and it is highly effective.

Now that you know just a few of the facts that people with borderline personality disorder wish you knew, you can be sure you are supportive of anyone in your life that has this mental health disorder.

 

About Insight Therapy

Insight Therapy is a professional mental health private practice located in Champaign - Urbana. Insight Therapy offers individual therapy, couples counseling, family counseling, and professional mediation services to clients of all ages and issues.

Contact Information

Insight Therapy, LLC
3362 Big Pine Trail
Suite A
Champaign, Illinois 61822

Phone: (217) 383-0151
Fax: (217) 633-4555

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Practice Areas

Depression, Anxiety, Trauma, Addiction, Couples Counseling, Eating Disorders, Sexual Abuse Survivor, School Anxiety, Women's Issues, Relationship Issues, BiPolar Disorder, Personality Disorders, Family Issues, Couples Counseling, Mediation, and more!